Those Wacky Heterosexuals

Those Wacky Heterosexuals Episode No. 3

Friday, June 2nd, 2000

June 2, 2000

Hooker Tricked By Fake Cop Upset By Sentence
An avowed heterosexual, Craig J. Ziegler, 35, was sentenced to five years probation in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in November for impersonating a law-enforcement officer and forcing a woman who described herself as a former prostitute to perform a sex act. The victim was outraged that Ziegler got no jail time for the assault. She pointed out to reporters that the last time she was in court for prostitution she went to jail for seven months.

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Alabama Heterosexual Pregnant And Angry
Gretchen Radslaw of Mobile, Alabama, is suing a local pharmacist for $500,000. She went to this pharmacist because he was selling a contraceptive jelly that was 98% effective in preventing pregnancies. Gretchen began diligently spreading the jelly on her toast every morning, but after three months found herself pregnant. The suit states that the chemist never told her that the jelly was not edible, or that it needed to be applied to the genital area prior to opposite-sex intercourse.

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